Remembering Pranav Kaka!

Pranav Joshi, NDTV's cameraman and a very close family friend died yesterday, while on duty. He was shooting at a local school, when a heart stroke killed him. I was at Rahul Gandhi's rally at the Gujarat College grounds, when i received a phone call from a journalist friend. 

"Did you hear about Pranav Joshi?" said she.

"No.. Did he have another heart attack?" i asked.

"Yes... and he's no more." she answered.

I was shocked beyond belief. I knew he had issues with his heart. He had gone through a heart attack before... i guess even an angioplasty... and was advised by doctors to lose some weight. I last met him briefly while doing the Vibrant Gujarat story, we met briefly. I told him he was looking better with the weight loss. He replied he had lost some 8kgs and was planning to lose some more. And after telling me to pass on his regards to my dad, he moved along for his work. That was the last i saw of him.

Its not only shocking but completely disheartening to know that such a nice guy, who's been very kind to a lot of freshers around, was no more. 

I known pranav kaka since i was ten years old. He shot for my dad's stories for Vinod Dua's Parakh. I so distinctly remember that 14 day trip to Saurashtra in my summer vacation.. when my dad's team (Vikas Rajvanshi, Pranav Kaka, dad) and the family (mom, devam and me) toured Jamnagar, Junagadh, Somnath, Veraval, Mangrol... where dad shot his stories and we all enjoyed that trip together. I had made up my mind that early in the day that i wanted to be a journalist. 

All of us moved on. Pranav Kaka joined NDTV and worked with NDTV till the day he died. He's been not only a source of inspiration but also very helpful. He gave me Rajdeep Sardesai's number. He put in a word to Rajdeep. He told Rajdeep that he personally knew me and i had just come back from London after finishing my masters in journalism. He helped me get in touch with him and i took it forward from there. Had it not been for him, i would have never got to meet Rajdeep personally, nor worked with him for CNN IBN and earned so much experience and some of my best professional days. I do owe it to Pranav kaka.

And i am not alone. He's helped a lot of people around. Natu, cameraman with NDTV now, use to be a production boy.. He learnt camerawork from Pranav kaka and today he's at a respectable position and earns good, not to forget that he works with India's leading news channel, NDTV.

I dont know what caused his death. Yes, he had a heart problem. He was advised by his doctors to keep healthy, lose some weight and be careful. He was a workalcholic and use to work very hard. And considering the stress that this job brings along.. i guess News Organisations should give their staff, gym membership as a perk. Waking up early in the morning, working for long long hours and at the most odd hours, traveling, working under the most stressful circumstances, not getting enough sleep and the entire feeling of being on the edge, definitely takes a toll on the reporters and cameramen. 

And while i bid goodbye to pranav kaka, i hope i play a positive role in someone's life like he did. He will always be remembered fondly by me. Everytime i think of him, i can never visualise him without his camera. I still remember the chat i had with him about reporting ethics in riot hit Vadodara. While the stone pelting had taken a break, Pranavkaka got me some poha to eat and we both sat down talking about how careful one needs to be about what you are saying during reporting riots. We both belonged to rival channels then. He was with NDTV and i was with CNN IBN then. As we finished poha from the newspaper packet, we got back to work. He left with a smile, happy that a girl he had known as a child was doing well for herself and i left with a smile too, glad that he had been a guide and he got me poha to eat.

He was a nice man and a thorough professional. He was born to be a cameraman. He's covered everything under the sun... the earthquake, the riots, elections, massacres. He had a kind heart. I wish he had a strong heart. :(

He is survived by his wife and two young daughters. 

The idea of being Mrs. Jani!!

I guess i cant run away from it anymore... the days are lessening as the realisation sets upon, that now its just a matter of months before I go on to become a wife and a daughter-in-law. The carefree days of living in shorts, waking up at will, refusing to do household chores, watching tv with feet on the table, eating at odd hours and loading my milk with 3 spoons of bournvita will soon come to an end.

Perhaps i am just exaggerating... but who loves to give up on the old cushy life??? And marriage, though will give me a chance to start a completely new life with tolly, is going to mean that i give up everything that i have lived with. To start with, my parents, my home, my room, my bed and my wardrobe... just about everything. I am just so use to living the singlehood life of being responsible only for myself that i wonder if i will be able to manage with another human, his needs, his way of living, his way of eating, his way of sleeping and sharing so much together. Especially with his family... who my friends tell 'change completely' the moment you get married. The thought is extremely exciting... but am not sure the reality will be equally exciting.

I asked a lot of married women around... if they ever dreaded being married. I am not going to quote any but 90% of them dreaded being married. Almost all of them dread being with their in-laws... some even feel they deserve an award to get along with their mother-in-law. :) The comments and contributions are from all married women. I am the only one who's not married yet. All of them are in a fresh marriage and inspite of the 'dreadfulness' they all recommend marriage to me. But there's no denying that all of them atleast once dreaded being married.

And their most basic fear was of living with another family than with their husband... Here are some of them sharing their secrets... OFF THE RECORD.

"I dont know if my in-laws will adjust to my late night shifts at work?"

"I got married very young so something i dreaded the most was if my mother in law will be fine if i dont cook?"

"I can no more watch my favourite telly serial at 9.. there's only one tv in the house. My father in law likes to watch news at that time. But i loved the way my husband gave me a nice budget of designing our room the way we like."

"I have never covered my head at my mom's place. But i knew before i accepted the proposal that if i chose to get married to this guy, it means i will have to have my head covered everytime any male of the family is around. That was something i really dreaded. Getting use to something that i have never lived with. But now i am used to it."

"I got married to an older guy. Just a day after i accepted the proposal, my mother in law, in private, made it clear that they needed a grandchild as soon as possible. I didnt know at that time if i should refuse or should i go with it. But i liked my husband. He's been a wonderful partner. And yes, its only been 3 years of marriage and i have a cute 2 year old baby girl. And to say the least, my mother in law is happy. But i completely dreaded being married that time."

"I had been in this wonderful relationship for 3 years and wanted to live with him. I would have preferred the live in relationship. But we love our parents too much to go against their wish of being married first and then living to gether. So we got married. I had no option. Ofcourse, i dreaded the word 'marriage' but i love every aspect of it... living together, sharing the same bed, making out and surviving on small meals that i cook that he relishes with so much love. I can say i still live the same life."

"The thing that i dreaded the most was - how will i spend my entire life with him? What if i didnt like him forever? I'd never have another chance. Was completely horrified. Not anymore though. :)"

"I dreaded my marriage the most. I had accepted a proposal where I was going to live with my in-laws after marriage. My husband was abroad. And i was like, till i get my visas, how am i going to live with someone i dont even know, forget love? I lived with my in laws for 3 months hardly venturing out of the house. God... i never want to recall those days. I have never adjusted so much."

"You will laugh but the thing that i dreaded the most was - how am i going to give my clothes to wash? How am i going to get my undergarments washed and i completely dreaded my mother-in-law's habit of folding the washed clothes in front of the television set in the living room, when everyone was watching tv together. The solution: as soon as i come from work, i rush to the balcony, pick up my undergarments, stuff it in my purse and go into my room so that they dont turn up in living room in front of everyone."

"My mother-in-law was so religious that after marriage, without even asking me, made this 4 day plan of visiting temples all around. My husband didnt even come saying his leave was over. So i was trotted around for 4 days to various temples. Dont ask me what i prayed for."

"If you look at the essence of being married - committing yourself to the same person for the rest of your life, wanting to have babies with him and grow old to wipe his dribble off his chin, i never dreaded marriage. But i dread everyday things that accompany a typical indian marriage, where sometimes you are kind of expected to dramatically alter your individuality for various convoluted reasons."

"My husband's father is involved with this community that follows religion very emotionally. This means regular satsangs at our place, oldies turning up at house after the morning and evening walks, and preparing 30 cups of tea or coffee daily when they come visiting. I took it nicely for 4 months. I knew this before i got married and I completely dreaded this part of the marriage. One fine day, i told my father-in-law that i would like to hire 24 hour maid to take care of all this. We did that. He's happy and so am i."

"I am dreading marriage after being married for 4 years. We had such a good life together. My mom in law never forced me into believing all the astrologers that she consults for every little thing. Now that i have a cute 6 month old, she's been crazily showing his kundli to every astrologer on this planet. I am completely dreading that moment when she will come up with the idea of making my child wear those rings or lockets. If she's reading this: NO is my answer. If she asks me... i dont know what will i say."

So, well... with all the positive dreams of travelling together and getting to live together, making babies and building a small family together... i too am dreading those moments when arguements or disappointments will arise, just because i am different.. That would be dreadful. But i guess i am just over exaggerating. As one of my friend says, "its no big deal mos. just continue with the kind of life that you have lived. your husband and his family will come around." Well, yes... thats a good idea. I am just hoping that god gives me the strength and maturity to understand the family that i am going to embrace as my own. And i really hope God looks after me personally once i am married.

And what does amul have to say about this? Amul: "Its this expectation from life to always be smooth thats giving you all the load baby. Just rather try to accept that there'll be bumps on way. That thats how life is. N that what makes it worth looking forward to every next day. "

I guess he must be true... perhaps i am just taking too much load.

"Guru" - AR RAHMAN

AR Rahman

I was so young when i got hooked to ROJA soundtrack... i know every line by heart of that album. Not just the line, even the sounds that he uses, lyrics that he plays with and the instruments that he uses... i can actually sing the instrumental part of the music too. Any music aficionado will understand what i am trying to say. And i am only thankful to god that he gave us AR Rahman and ofcourse, a good taste for music to me. (I have never understood how can people like Himesh Reshamiya's music) As i write, Rahman has bagged three nominations at the  Academy Awards. For Original sound track as well as for the best song - O saya and Jai Ho... I am only glad and immensely proud to know that.

A still from 'Jiya Jale' - Dil Se

There have been times when Rahman's compositions have actually been my best friends... I remember listening to 'Jiya Jale' back to back in my college days. I was tucked inside my quilt, and would rewind my Sony Walkman, listen Lata croon to Jiya Jale, rewind.. listen... till i fell asleep or the batteries gave up. And I'll always remember 'Bombay Theme' as one of my favourites. 

Indian Artists for Jana Gana Mana (India's National Anthem)

Rahman's Jana Gana Mana - with India's best music talents has been a very inspiring song. And that means i am going to let out a secret today. Rahman's Jan Gana Mana, our Indian National Anthem, is my strength song. The way people resort to religion and their mantras... i fall back on our national anthem for the strength. And most of the times, it has shown me a way out. Once when i was fighting inside me, for not getting along with someone.. I played Jan Gana Mana on my mobile phone. And while listening to it, i realised that if an entire nation made of different people can stay together despite differences and make such a wonderful nation together, maybe i too can deal with these people i dont agree with.. Its not that big deal afterall. If all these great singers, all unique in their own way can render the national anthem so soulfully.. maybe i too can remain unique and still be a part of the group.

Luka Chuppi from Rang De Basanti

and how can i forget Luka Chuppi.. from Rang De Basanti... i think its one of the most touching compositions of Rahman.. and the song that depicts the relationship of a mother and her child, couldnt have sounded better without Rahman's music... i love everything about the song... the way song starts with the guitar... Lata's voice.. the tabla.. the lyrics... the way song picks up with rahman's entry and the aalap in the end.. I vividly remember, how Devam and i (when we were living in mumbai together) would put this song on loop and sleep through the night with luka chuppi playing the background. We would wake up with this song.. and this song would remain with us for the rest of the day.. only to return to it in the night. We were in love with this song at that time.

There are so many - Jodha Akbar, Bombay, Lagaan, Rangeela, Guru, Dil Se, Taal, 1947 Earth, Zubeida, Pukar, Saathiya, Water, Yuva, Jaane Tu ya Jaane Na and even the latest 'Delhi 6' - Masakalli is such a nice soundtrack... Rahman is gifted. And he makes me feel gifted too because his music is so easily available. I can actually afford to buy his original music and i feel really blessed.

Yeh Jo Des Hai Tera - Swades

And if i had to give Oscar to one AR Rahman composition - it would be 'Yeh jo des hai tera' from Swades. I would touch his feet, if i ever met him, just because he composed this song. Its my favourite song. If i am a nationalist, more than anything today, the credit also goes to this song. If i ever have to rate a song as the national song of our country - it would be this. This song personifies me. Despite all shortcomings, despite all prejudices and despite all our country's negatives, its still the most promising land for me on this planet. I love this country. I truly and wholeheartedly love it. And this song just voices and sings everything that i feel for this country. Its like this song is made for me...

And here's that song for all of you... hope you enjoy this track... cause i really do.

yeh jo des hai tera

Yeh Jo Des Hai Tera - Swades | Translation in Description - Click here for more free videos

Goodbye Nanima!!

My Nanima - Deviben Ashwinbhai Joshi, passed away on 14th Jan 2009, at 1835 hours. She suffered badly for the past one month as her body had almost collapsed. She hardly ate or drank. But in these hours of slowly preparing to leave the world, she was surrounded by her entire family.

My Mom is heartbroken today. She couldnt take her eyes off the body and burst into tears as my mama(s) prepared the body for its final journey. While my mom and masi(s) clinged onto her till the last moment, she was long gone away from this world. My dad told me that according to Mahabharat, the bhimshmapithamah, died at the same time on 14th jan. Bhishmapithamah, had the power to choose his time of death and chose the sunset time on Makarsankranti to breath his last. And my nanima too died at the same hour on the same day. I am glad that it makes my mom happy a wee bit as she starts getting use to not having her mother around.

My mom fondly called nanima "mother"... in a perfect anglecised manner... My Nanima has to her credit, the task of bringing up 6 children successfully. Her five daughters, have been a pillar of strength for each other and teachers by profession. Each one of them learnt so much from their mother, that the reason behind them being successful and proud mothers today, somewhere lies with their upbringing by my nanima. 

I vividly remember how my nanima would exclaim, "radha... radha..."... everytime i goofed up or came up with a smart statement out of her imagination. She sat me down once at Gaurav's wedding (Gaurav is my cousin) and told me what actually makes a woman. She told me that a woman is the strength for the family. She has this capacity to put everyone in the family before her and still be happy just with the fact that she was useful to someone in some way. She told me it was equally important to be well behaved, well mannered and be seen as someone as a dutiful daughter, wife or mother. I was just 22/23 at that point of time... I hardly understood the depth of the matter... but i have grown and i will always treasure her words.

She was indeed the strength behind her family. She helped her children and society in every way possible. She would give me money, even if she hardly had any left on her. I also remember her steel cold glances at me when i would do something that she wouldnt like. And in the last few years, as she struggled with her memory... she would look up at me from her bed, her eyes would widen and while i held her hand, she would smile at me... a small bright smile to tell me that she recognised me. 

I am glad i visited her several times over these few years. I am glad that my nanima had her entire family around her when she was breathing her last. I am glad that people remember her as a pious lady and someone who helped each one of them in one way or the other...

Here's hoping that wherever she is right now... she's comfortable and happy.. and if she's reading my blog... i want to tell her that i will always remember her and tell my kids about her. 

Take care... OM!!

"Happy" New Year

Even before the clock struck 12, I was bombarded with messages wishing me a Happy New Year. Being a Gujarati, I am blessed to celebrate two such new year's every year. So while i was being bombarded with good wishes from every nook and corner of the world... my thoughts went back to the year which was phasing out quietly...

2008, was perhaps, ashamed, on the way it had turned out to be. He quietly was leaving the scene, without making too much noise or attracting attention. It hadnt been a good year. Markets had crashed - the 25000 mark on the sensex now looks like a five year plan. Terror ripped apart our country - like some paper was being shredded in the waste destroying machine. Times had changed - forever - for many of us. My two best friends got married in 2008. Times have changed for our country too - a carefree, progressive nation like our's, which was touted as a country to watch out for - has become the global attraction since 26/11. Politics in India has changed forever - the policies that attended to securing nation's poor - will now shift to protecting nation's urban - considering the recent spat of terror attacks.

Though my life hasnt seen a drastic change in 2008 - i have nonetheless been affected by the changes taking place around me. If i have to look back at 2008, a few prominent landmarks would be that of changing my job ( I left radiocity and moved to NewsX) and that amul and i completed ten years of being together in 2008. (I am glad i can be happy about both) Though the year had its own setback - for the first time in my life, Ahmedabad was targetted. I never thought i would be covering one of the worst bomb blasts in my own city. It was heart wrenching. The Civil Hospital sight has been carved in my memories forever. Everytime i think about it, my heart skips a beat. It was traumatic to say the least.

But as they say that "Change is the only constant thing in life."

I am looking forward to 2009. New year brings new hopes... A lot of us are looking forward to this year with new ambition, new wishes and new experiences. While Chintan-Vrushti are looking forward to becoming parents, Amul - I are looking forward to being married. Devam is looking forward to come back and start afresh in Mumbai and while some other friends are looking forward to pack up from Mumbai and moving back/forward.

When everyone has been forwarding messages and emails, wishing each other - Happy New Year, i thought of doing my own little survey to see - that in gloomy times like these, what makes one happy?? Some very interesting answers came up. I got to conclude that inspite of so many insecurities and expectations around, 'hapiness' doesnt come from accomplishing those 'materialistic' goals... instead, people tell me that its their 'family' that makes them happy. If there's something that gives people peace - its being around their family. "Having home cooked meal", "Seeing my children together at home", "Sleeping in my dad's lap" all turn up in the answers.

While men chose to reply in one words and women were more elaborate about their happiness, the factors or points are same.

People from different age groups, too dont differ much when it comes to deciding what makes them happy. For parents, its their children who are a source of happiness and for children, its spending time with their parents, recollecting old memories and doing things together, that brings them happiness.

And the surprising thing is, while most of us want a hike in our salaries, or a foreign holiday or a new home or a new car, none of these, figured in the list "this makes me happy" at all.

For some, India doing good matters a lot... India facing up to terror and politicians doing their jobs correct will bring them 'happiness'.

"India winning a match." "Playing with my dog." "A hot shower." "A nice song." - are just some of the answers...

Here's the entire list.

Vrushti - The image of my baby playing with Laphroaig and giggling in delight with the sheer exuberance of being alive. (Vrushti is eight months pregnant and she's already a mother to her four month old labrador - Laphroaig, named after her favourite Whiskey Brand); The memories of Chintan and me lying around at home watching movies and drinking wine all sunday in the freezing melbourne winter; Closing my eyes and imagining that i'm cycling along the riverfront by myself - really hard, really fast - racing to beat my own time; Laying my head in dad's lap while he reads the newspaper on a sunday morning and feeling like a child again - totally secure and very loved... (These) things that matter today and will do a hundred years from now.

Chintan - Aara (thats what Vrushti and Chintan plan to name their child if the baby is a daughter), Sex, H*** (Censored on my blog), Laphroaig (He's father to a four month old Labrador), Beer. (Men will be men... :) )

Sujit - Eating at a good place, helping someone to get a job, low real estate rates, branded stuff out at discounted rates. ( Well, Sujit is an exception on the matters of materialism and happiness :) )

Aditya - Pakistan made to suffer; United and neat Politics; US asked not to interfere; Modi for PM's post in next general elections; India continuing to do good in cricket. (Aditya lives in Mumbai and was obviously affected by the recent attack on Mumbai.)

Anuja (Jadu) - India winning a cricket match; War with A****** (Our neighbouring country); Getting over with recession; Good Politicians to rule our country; Upgrading our security system. (Anuja is tired of recession... seems like her shopping trips have been curbed... but what the heck... i too want to get over this insecurity, of whether my next paycheck will come on time or not)

Arjun - Friends, Food, Family, Games - Computer and outdoors, Road trups. (Short and Sweet)

Raksha - A good hair day; A good friend; A good cup of hot tea; Text Twirl on Facebook (now what is that??!!); My monthly paycheck that reminds me that i atleast still have my job. (Now, this is typically Raksha - honest to the core.. :) )

Devam - Meeting loved ones; Looking forward to festivals; Making people around me feel important and happy; Working out in the Gym; Learn something new to forget the crisis time. (Now thats Devam - who gets this huge smile on face, if the audience around him is happy with him... )

Dad - Proper Sleep at proper time; Good Music; Humourous and Positive people; Creative artists and sportsperson; people with vision and determination.

Mom - Having Devam and Mosiqi around me; Both my kids on the dining table; Doing a kind deed; Singing; Praying.

Amul - Mosiqi; Food; Good Weather; Friends; Sleep (He asked me to replace Sleep with Music... )

Mosiqi - When showered with kisses from Amul; Long chats over coffee with Anu and Anuja; Spending time at home with mom, dad and devam around; Celebrating festivals in 360 manner with food, clothes and traditions; Hot shower and a cold coffee. Anyday!!

Here's wishing that each 'source' of happiness for everyone, stays by and stands by them in this new year. Wishing you all a very very "Happy" New Year. :)