55 vs 25

"Jidhar dekho udar problems hi problems hain... "

That was the first line i heard today morning as i was woken up by a loud conversation taking place in my house. My aunt was talking to someone on the phone. I dont know what the conversation was about... but i completely agreed with the statement she made and was quick enough to gain consciousness about the world... and if i may add the 'times' we live in.

This week, infact, has been quite peculiar. Everybody and anybody has been behaving difficult. If on one hand, my travel agent who hires us the official car, is threatening to withdraw the taxi till we make the payment... on the other hand, there's my maternal grand mother who's in an extremely critical condition, which reduces my mother to tears, at every available opportunity. In both the cases, there is little i can do but sympathize...

While i can manage these problems... time and again, i have been confronted by problems (not directly affecting me) which have no solution. And they have raised many questions in my mind. In these recent days, i have realised how important task it is to bring up children. Its not just about providing them the best things in life... its also about depriving them of stuff so that they learn to value... Its not only about sharing and being part of your children's lives... but you should also realise when should you stop interfering... Its not only about providing your kids with financial support unconditionally... but its also necessary to leave them 'cashless' to realise what it takes to earn money...

Its been a heavy week to say the least...

I am not going to take names... but people might relate to these cases...

One of our family friend is a Doctor. Well educated, well settled, born with a silver spoon infact. He was born in 1950 and his parents had a car then... He could afford education in the US in his 20s. Instead chose to pursue medicine and became doctor. He married a nice homely girl and years saw them become parents to a girl and a boy. Today, the girl, who is independent in her thoughts but dependent on her parents otherwise, has chosen a partner for herself. Happens so that the guy is in his early thirties, earns just enough, has dependent parents. This uncle and aunt of mine, approached me to speak to their daughter to see if i could put "some sense" into her head.

They had made up their minds... The boy wasnt wealthy enough (what would they say in their circle perhaps was what was hounding them?). They tried every book in the trick to convince me that the boy wasnt worth spending a lifetime with and that by hook or by crook, their daughter will have to accept their decision.


What surprised me was that they hadnt even bothered to meet the guy. I was shocked to hear the parameters they considered neccessary to chose a life partner. Educated, potential to earn 'good' money and had a job, living away from parents. You see, his daughter, according to them, wasnt capable of handling a joint family. And therefore, the guy she had chosen for herself, who didnt fit their mould, wasnt good enough.

The discussion lasted four hours. I completely failed at convincing him that its a good idea to meet the guy and that children, after a certain age, are best left to decide for themselves. If nothing, they will emerge smarter and stronger from their experiences. But they would have none of it.

I guess our society just gives our elders the 'unspoken' privilege of deciding everything for their children. Some parents fail to realise that their children's happiness should weigh before their criteria. I doubt if parents actually keep their children's interest in mind while looking for life partners. More often than not, they are looking for someone, who will make them proud rather than keep their child happy. I learnt one lesson though - that people who claim to be broad minded and open about ideas and life, are not really putting their words into practise.

And if this loooooong discussion wasnt enough to roll my dad and me into after-discussions... i came across this another classic example of fights between a couple because the wife was tired of taking care of her invalid mother-in-law, coping with her kids and her full time job.


The husband and wife are not on talking terms at present. The problem is that the wife thinks her husband is taking her for granted, not paying enough attention to her, hardly helping out with the chores and plus the burden of taking care of 'his' mother. (Her cry: Why cant she stay with your younger brother?)

The husband is tired of her cribbing. He feels his wife doesnt respect his mother enough. Infact, whatever she is doing for his mother, is just a 'show'. (His cry: She hardly cares about her. Just giving medicines on time and feeding her doesnt mean you are looking after her.)


Not to forget that this couple has been having these fights over a decade now. The wife isnt comfortable with the mother-in-law around. The husband is just too much of a loving son, not to abandon his mother, only because his wife is not ready to 'accept' her.

I wasnt a part of this discussion... but i was in my room.. which was in hearing distance of this conversion. The tit and tats went on for an hour. My mom was really drowsy and she could hardly help these people out but she was a patient ear. My mom tried to pacify both of them... but they both still stood their grounds. It was time for them to leave and finally my mom could take a nap. But i was so disturbed.

Why is it so difficult for people to accept that your partners have a family? That your partner was brought up by a couple - who has loved him/her much much more than you have? Is it really difficult to make some adjustments if you have to accomodate your partner's parents? Or is it just 'inconvenience' to your lifestyle? I dont understand why couples fail to remember that our parents 'never left us alone' so that they could continue with their lifestyle? Ask any parent and they will tell you how they saved up for a home to house his family - or gave up a little bit of their sleep so that they could spend some time with their children among so many responsibilities. Any parent will vouch how they have given up on things and activities for their kids - my dad gave up smoking, my mom hardly slept with two kids, her job, her hobby, her household responsibilities. I have seen people around who have traveled for weeks and weeks together to give their children a better life. I have seen parents who have broken their fixed deposits to send their children for higher education. Infact one my relatives, broke her fixed deposit because her child wanted a CBZ for his birthday.

When our parents, without even blinking, so unconditionally, have done so much for us... cant we just give them the same place in our lives???

But i guess not many people understand. I am keeping my fingers crossed. I really really hope that God gives us (devam, amul and me) enough sense to look after our parents right. I hope we never disappoint them or hurt them or let them down.

Politics Divides, Cricket Unites

Monday, 15th Dec. 15:20 hours:

I had just finished interviewing the Vice Chancellor of the Gujarat University, when dad called to say, 'Neo Sports kem nathi aavtu?' (Why arent we receiving the Neo Sports channel?) I couldnt find an answer to that... but he said that India was on verge of winning the test match against England. I was suddenly out of my lethargic slumber... all excited and wanting to reach home to see the final moments of the first test.

Rewind to Sunday evening, 14th Dec. 20:00 hours, Jayshiva:

"Its too big a score to win," exclaimed Arjun. "India is not good at chasing such a good score." The enthusiastic Indian cricket nationalist spirit in me blurted out, "If Sachin, Gambhir, Yuvraaj and Sehwag play their knocks... we will." In a way my prophecy had come true...

I had no idea my comments would stand up for me just 20 hours later... I was ecstatic. I messaged guys (Amul, Chintan, Arjun) who were witness to the conversation we had last night... as to what they had to say about their "unreliable" Indian cricket team winning the test match...

While Amul was surprised... Arjun was caught with his foot in mouth... and Chintan was sleeping.. he called later to say that he didnt watch the match... but Tendulkar was GOD.

Amul - Chintan - Arjun

Amul: "Shit, they won...!!!" (He immediately called to say that he couldnt believe it... he promised to rush home soon to celebrate the victory... which we did by having Pau Gathiya from Bhavnagar)

Arjun: "Bloody fantastic... I missed most of today's play because of office but once i knew Sehwag has given us the right start yesterday there was this feeling that if two other top order guys fire then we are going to win. Came home just in time to watch sachin sweep Swan for a four and an amazing victory. This is the fourth highest run chase ever, which makes it even special. And to add to that, dhoni has won all four tests he has captained. Super Stuff."

Chintan: "Tendulkar is god and there is none more exciting to watch bat then Sehwag. So good to see Yuvi find test form. Amazing team effort. We sure feel invincible right now, atleast on the cricket field."

Just like Chintan, Sachin Tendulkar too couldnt talk of his feat without referring to 26/11 attack on Mumbai. I caught the post match celebrations and ceremony on tv. Tendulkar was happy and at the same time told media, "Its hard to concentrate on the game after what has happened in Mumbai. Though cricket is too small compared to this nation... i hope this 100 (he scored 103) brings some happiness to people of Mumbai." It was his way of giving something to the Mumbaikars...


"I thank those who stood up to the terrorists and who made sure that they were captured or shot dead as the terrorists were many. I salute the NSG commandos, Taj Hotel staff, police, public and everyone," Tendulkar said.

The Mumbai Terror Attack has affected one and all... which includes the Indian Cricket Team. Indian skipper, Mahendra Singh Dhoni, before the test match had said that lets hope the first Test against England will help the country heal the scars of last month's militant attacks in Mumbai.

And it has in a way... for once the television channels dropped the 'mud-slinging comments by India-Pakistan' as headlines and had cricket as its first headline. After weeks, the anchors on television channels appeared to have smiled while giving us out News. And it was such a good break to come back home and blog something other than terrorism... Today's match - with Sehwag's 83, Gambhir's 66, Sachin's 103 and Yuvraaj's 85 was a nice break from last two week's depressed state of affairs (10 terrorists killed, 20 terrorists demanded, 195 civilians killed, 13 parties agreeing to the Federal Investigative Agency)... With Politicians hardly able to come together to form a federal investigative agency, it was great to see that atleast our Indian Cricket team has an amazing team spirit... they make me believe that its possible to work together... that its possible to stand by each other and play the game in true spirit and emerge victorious... it was an amazing team effort. Only if our politicians understood...

May be Men in White can learn a lesson or two from the Men in Blue.

India has been raped: M F Hussain

M F Hussain seemed quite miffed with the recent terror attack on Mumbai. And he has conveyed that on canvass. His reaction to the Mumbai tragedy, the work that he has named as 'Rape of India' has become the highlight of an exhibition on Indian contemporary visual arts at London's prestigious Serpentine gallery. He has also said that "hope the youth will rise and throw the old fogies away." Voices of aggression have come from all the nooks and corners of this world against the terror attack.

While Washington, London, Berlin, Russia have all voiced their angst against the perpetrators and pledged their support for India, some voices have arrived from the most unexpected corners. I am quite surprised at the way the Pakistani Media (especially Dawn and Geo TV) have taken up the task of investigating if the terrorists were actually from Pakistan. Much to the Pakistani hukumat's embarrasment, the fact which we knew within 24 hours of the attack, has been proved by their own fourth estate. I would like to credit Pakistani media with supporting the truth even as it goes on to establish that their own nationals were involved in an attack on India.

I am sure the Pakistanis (I mean the local citizens) too are ashamed at the revelation. For a week, they cried hoarse about how India had failed at providing any proof that the attack was launched from their soil. Some of them went on to boast that India was jumping the gun too soon and was pointing fingers at Pakistan out of mere habit. Sorry to disappoint you but India has ample proof that the switch that triggered the attack was pulled in Pakistan... the perpetrators who terrorised Mumbai were Pakistani nationals... the commando like training they received was imparted by none other than Pakistan's ex-army officials... The proof is there. And we will soon hand it over to you. Infact not only to you, but to America as well as the entire world to see.

India's external minister, Pranab Mukherjee, in his meeting with Condoleeze Rice (US's secretary of state), made it amply clear that India's decent behaviour, shouldnt be mistaken for its weakness. I agree, Mr. Mukherjee. India has been nice enough to support the travel ties, cricketing ties, cultural and trade ties with Pakistan... But i think we should cut off all the ties with Pakistan. We dont need to play cricket with them. Though i love Rahat Fateh Ali Khan, i dont mind kicking him out of our country. Most Indian Muslims too have come out strongly against Pakistan.

Which has been the most noteworthy. If groups like the Lashkar or Jamaat ud dawa or al qaeda, claim to be fighting for Islam - and if this has been their reason to launch an attack on India to establish their caliphate (Rule of Islam in this World)... please hear it loud and clear that the Indian Muslims are not interested. And in your bid to establish your own Islamic world, let me remind you that out of 141 civilians that died in the attack - 44 were muslims. If you are fighting for them - you do not realise that muslims have become targets of muslims. Noted lyricist and poet, Javed Akhtar, who came out to condemn the attacks, said, "Humme hi badalna hoga... woh (pakistan) to kabhi badalenge nahi... isi liye humme hi badal na hoga." He's an Indian Muslim.

Shahrukh said, "I have read the holy Quran. I read it aloud to my children. I strongly believe that there's one islam by Allah, and there's another by the Mullahs." Aamir observed Eid with a black band on his hand. In his blog (http://www.aamirkhan.com/blog.htm), Aamir calls the terrorists - AK 47 toting maniacs, and says, "Terrorists are not Hindu or Muslim or Christian. They are not people of religion or God. They are people who have gone totally sick in their head and have to be dealt with in that manner."

Infact, one of the most polarised states of India - Gujarat too saw muslims coming out and condemning the attack. Infact in places like Navasari, Rajkot, Vadodara and Ahmedabad, Muslims burnt the Pakistani flag to show their anguish. I appreciate their solidarity. In times like this, when the attack comes from foreign land, in the name of religion - the muslims in Gujarat have shown that its not religion which is the problem.. its the nation that's the problem. Not only big Muslim names but also the common Indian Muslim has stood by India today to condemn the attack that originated in the name of Islam.

Its time Pakistan cracked down on their terror factories. Because if they dont, we will. We dont want a war... but dont take our decency for our weakness. As one of my very close friend puts it, 'Jab time aayega... tab andar khuss kar maarenge...'

What Pakistan feels about the Mumbai Terror Attack

Moments after Mumbai attack was shown live on television, reports started pouring in that the terrorists had come via the sea route from Karachi. The updates that kept coming later, made it amply clear that terrorists not only came from Karachi but were born and bred in Pakistan, picked up as recruits in Pakistan, trained on the Pakistani soil, by some Pakistanis who belong to the Lashkar-e-Toiba group. It was clear that PAKISTAN HAD ATTACKED MUMBAI. (I dont care if people think i am generalising. If so much can be allowed in the land of Pakistan, i have rights to generalize.)

So when we can all see it that where the attack came from... Pakistanis would beg to differ.

Today's Indian Express has a nice report of how the Pakistan media has been carrying this news. Forgive me for plagiarism but i would love to share this with the readers of my blog.

TALKING PAK

With Mumbai 26/11 escalating tensions between India and Pakistan, the hostilities are playing out on a different platform: the media and the Net. While the Indian media has been talking of the “Pak angle”, the media in Pakistan has declared a virtual war on the Indian government and media. It is “hurt and angry” that India is “again” pointing fingers at Pakistan “without any proof”. Sympathy after initial news of the attacks gave way to defensiveness when Pakistan was first blamed, then to belligerence as the blame game intensified. Here, we tune in to some Pakistani TV channels, zoom into their blogosphere and peep into online social groups to hear their voices—mostly angry, some jingoistic and a few restrained.

TV: The big picture

News 1: Zaid Hamid, ‘security consultant and strategic defence analyst’, is a fixture on this channel: whether it’s on Mujhe Ikhhtilaf Hai with Qudsia Qadir or on Siyasat Aur Pakistan with Faisal Rahman. On Mujhe Ikhhtilaf Hai (I differ), Hamid made incendiary comments on how the Mumbai blasts are the handiwork of "Western and Hindu Zionists". "The Indians wanted to orchestrate 9/11 and recreate the drama of that but failed miserably," he says. He continued: "Inki shaklein Hinduonwali hain, jis zabaan mein guftagoo kar rahein hain, woh zabaan koi Pakistani istemaal nahin karta hai". (The terrorists looked like Hindus and their dialect was not what any Pakistani would speak)

Aaj TV: On the programme Live with Talat, Talat Hussain wondered if India and its media are jumping the gun by "instinctively pointing fingers at Pakistan". A clipping of Prime Minister Manmohan Singh’s address to the nation, promising to "strongly take up with Pakistan…that the use of their territory for launching an attack on India will not be tolerated", is followed by Hussain citing the Samjhauta blasts of February 2007. Then, too, India and its media—newspapers and TV channels—blamed Pakistan-based groups. It now turns out, Talat said, that "right-wing Hindu groups" and a serving Lt Col, Prasad Purohit, were behind the blasts. Aaj TV’s news programme, Prime TV, quoted Major Gen Athar Abbas, a senior Army officer, as saying that there are no terror camps on Pakistan’s eastern border.

GEO TV: On November 28, viewers heard something that took many by surprise: commandos seen sliding down a rope from a helicopter onto the Nariman House rooftop, were described as “Israelis’’. Geo TV said there were reports that the men in black were not Indian NSG commandos but Israeli ones. Just like Indian channels put together clips from "fringe Pakistani channels" to show how the Pakistani media was taking sides, a report on Geo TV pieced together a TV clip from Indian channels which, they said, had eagerly jumped to the conclusion that Pakistan was behind the attack and were pushing the Government to go to war with Pakistan. The report showed Indian reporters claiming that the Pak Navy was behind the attack, without attributing it to anyone. Another said rather provocatively, "Das atankwaadi, das ke das Pakistani." The report also shows clips of TV advocating attack on terror camps in Pakistan. But the report also says that there have been some voices of restraint. It took Kabir Bedi’s quote on Times Now: "Let’s make a distinction between the government of Pakistan and the people of Pakistan, let’s also make a distinction between this government of Pakistan and previous governments of Pakistan". On his programme Meray Mutabik, former PTV chief Dr Shahid Masood described the history and size of the Indian media, praised its role in breaking stories and its anti-establishment line. Masood wondered if India’s investigative journalists would get to "the truth of the Mumbai blasts instead of blaming Pakistan". A panel discussion, Capital Talk, took a more strident stand. It began with a "report" on the "atrocities India commits in the name of secularism—attacks on Christians, people gone missing in Kashmir, atrocities on Dalits". The show advised India to act against the likes of Pravin Togadia and Lt.Col Purohit, instead of carrying out a propaganda against Pakistan.

DAWN News: Another panel discussion; this time with the three top guns of Pakistani media—anchors Hamid Mir, Talat Hussain and Nasim Zehra. In an hour-long programme aired last Saturday and Sunday, they took turns to say that the Indian media was "too nationalistic", "told lies" and seemed to have made a habit of pointing fingers at Pakistan.

AL JAZEERA, QATAR, DOHA: Al Jazeera English tries to maintain a balance. It said that so far, there is “zero proof that Bin Laden and his Al Qaeda are in any way involved in the Mumbai attack" but added that the way Westerns were targeted makes the attacks a "trademark of the Al Qaeda”. It ended by saying: “Seems that like-minded groups are emerging in spite of the US’s so-called global war on terror”. On the channel’s Riz Khan Show, former CNN anchor, Riz Khan, in Mumbai “to study the success of Bollywood and explore social issues”, found himself assessing the attack: wasn’t this Mumbai’s 9/11? And how on earth did the attackers sneak in?

IBA NEWS, JERUSALEM: As expected the focus was on Rabbi Holtzberg and his wife killed in the Nari man House attack. One clip that makes it toYoutube is a report on the prayer meeting held in honour of the Rabbi and his family. It dwells on Baby Moshe still clutching his ball and still crying uncontrollably for his "Emma (mother)".

ON BLOGS

On http://darkcoldcoffee.wordpress.com/ 2008/11/30/, Raheel Lakhani questions the links between terrorists and religion in ‘A reaction is all they needed’. “Terrorists have no religion or nationality,” he writes. He thinks India and Pakistan are using the Mumbai attacks for their own purposes thereby playing into the terrorists hands who want “a ripple effect” and (you are) helping them achieve their motives”. Angry, he adds that if people around the world “are such cowards that our insecurities are only fulfilled by labeling, accusing and killing people'' or “harvesting more insecurities by propagation of fear then we all are also terrorists”.

“PS: The Arms Business is one of the biggest in the world. The fear propagated through them makes us buy them more.” With much talk on Indian TV of the need to raid Pakistan, Pakistanis debate the possibility and its possible outcome. Riaz Haq posted “Can India Do a Lebanon” in Pakistan (http://www.riazhaq.com/2008/12/can-india-dolebanon-in-pakistan.html) last Tuesday. He quotes Indian writer Pankaj Mishra's article in The Guardian on the possibility of India imitating Israeli raids on Lebanon. He wonders whether Indians growing admiration for Israel, Obama's support of India's right “to protect themselves”, and imminent general elections may tempt India to “do a Lebanon”?

In a detailed argument, he warns India would fail. “…they may… make some short-term tactical gains,” by killing a few suspected "terrorists", innocent civilians, and occupying some Pakistani territory temporarily. But in the long run, “they run the risk of a spectacular strategic failure leading to more and bigger terrorist attacks and possibly a nuclear conflagration in the South Asian region.” He argues that an Indian attack would “relieve pressure on Al Qaeda and the Taliban in Pakistan's FATA region, strengthen support for Pakistan's military, weaken Pakistan's democracy”.

Another blogger, Supersizeme feels ordinary Pakistanis do little to make any positive change “in this repulsive ideology that has grasped not only our country but our religion” or to disprove the stereotype that all Muslims are terrorists: “Instead of saying ‘yeah, we do have a problem. Lets try to think of ways to fix it’, we get incredibly defensive and take offense at anyone lumping us in with terrorists.'' Another response illustrates why many Pakistanis are now angry at India. Raza admits finding it hard to sympathise. “Be honest: although you let out an 'OMG' or a 'that looks terrible'…you snarled under your breath, 'they had it coming,' or, 'whatever…the Marriot was worse.'.. (So) why are we chastising Indians for feeling angry and afraid right now?'' One reason is that “Pakistan deals with this stuff every day'' but no one sympathises.

“Our people are getting killed day by day in this fight, and no one gives a s…. So do excuse us for being a just A LITTLE bitter.” Still, he hopes those responsible for the attacks are caught. “As Pakistanis, I am sure we will do everything in our power to make sure that this doesn't happen again. But boys, this is one ride you're gonna have to come along for...so strap in.''

As Indo-Pak relations nosedive, some bloggers offer solutions. Here's one from http://pitafi.com/2008/12/03/mumbaitragedy-a-doable-solution/ “The best, and perhaps the only, option is that India with the help of the international community probes the matter and compiles the evidence. Then it can provide Pakistan the evidence with the diplomatic request to try the accused. Pakistan government then can ensure that the apex court's full bench tries these element in open and transparent hearings and they are finally brought to the book.”

Lets hope that better sense prevails...