That was the first line i heard today morning as i was woken up by a loud conversation taking place in my house. My aunt was talking to someone on the phone. I dont know what the conversation was about... but i completely agreed with the statement she made and was quick enough to gain consciousness about the world... and if i may add the 'times' we live in.
This week, infact, has been quite peculiar. Everybody and anybody has been behaving difficult. If on one hand, my travel agent who hires us the official car, is threatening to withdraw the taxi till we make the payment... on the other hand, there's my maternal grand mother who's in an extremely critical condition, which reduces my mother to tears, at every available opportunity. In both the cases, there is little i can do but sympathize...
While i can manage these problems... time and again, i have been confronted by problems (not directly affecting me) which have no solution. And they have raised many questions in my mind. In these recent days, i have realised how important task it is to bring up children. Its not just about providing them the best things in life... its also about depriving them of stuff so that they learn to value... Its not only about sharing and being part of your children's lives... but you should also realise when should you stop interfering... Its not only about providing your kids with financial support unconditionally... but its also necessary to leave them 'cashless' to realise what it takes to earn money...
Its been a heavy week to say the least...
I am not going to take names... but people might relate to these cases...
One of our family friend is a Doctor. Well educated, well settled, born with a silver spoon infact. He was born in 1950 and his parents had a car then... He could afford education in the US in his 20s. Instead chose to pursue medicine and became doctor. He married a nice homely girl and years saw them become parents to a girl and a boy. Today, the girl, who is independent in her thoughts but dependent on her parents otherwise, has chosen a partner for herself. Happens so that the guy is in his early thirties, earns just enough, has dependent parents. This uncle and aunt of mine, approached me to speak to their daughter to see if i could put "some sense" into her head.
They had made up their minds... The boy wasnt wealthy enough (what would they say in their circle perhaps was what was hounding them?). They tried every book in the trick to convince me that the boy wasnt worth spending a lifetime with and that by hook or by crook, their daughter will have to accept their decision.
What surprised me was that they hadnt even bothered to meet the guy. I was shocked to hear the parameters they considered neccessary to chose a life partner. Educated, potential to earn 'good' money and had a job, living away from parents. You see, his daughter, according to them, wasnt capable of handling a joint family. And therefore, the guy she had chosen for herself, who didnt fit their mould, wasnt good enough.
The discussion lasted four hours. I completely failed at convincing him that its a good idea to meet the guy and that children, after a certain age, are best left to decide for themselves. If nothing, they will emerge smarter and stronger from their experiences. But they would have none of it.
I guess our society just gives our elders the 'unspoken' privilege of deciding everything for their children. Some parents fail to realise that their children's happiness should weigh before their criteria. I doubt if parents actually keep their children's interest in mind while looking for life partners. More often than not, they are looking for someone, who will make them proud rather than keep their child happy. I learnt one lesson though - that people who claim to be broad minded and open about ideas and life, are not really putting their words into practise.
And if this loooooong discussion wasnt enough to roll my dad and me into after-discussions... i came across this another classic example of fights between a couple because the wife was tired of taking care of her invalid mother-in-law, coping with her kids and her full time job.
The husband and wife are not on talking terms at present. The problem is that the wife thinks her husband is taking her for granted, not paying enough attention to her, hardly helping out with the chores and plus the burden of taking care of 'his' mother. (Her cry: Why cant she stay with your younger brother?)
The husband is tired of her cribbing. He feels his wife doesnt respect his mother enough. Infact, whatever she is doing for his mother, is just a 'show'. (His cry: She hardly cares about her. Just giving medicines on time and feeding her doesnt mean you are looking after her.)
Not to forget that this couple has been having these fights over a decade now. The wife isnt comfortable with the mother-in-law around. The husband is just too much of a loving son, not to abandon his mother, only because his wife is not ready to 'accept' her.
I wasnt a part of this discussion... but i was in my room.. which was in hearing distance of this conversion. The tit and tats went on for an hour. My mom was really drowsy and she could hardly help these people out but she was a patient ear. My mom tried to pacify both of them... but they both still stood their grounds. It was time for them to leave and finally my mom could take a nap. But i was so disturbed.
Why is it so difficult for people to accept that your partners have a family? That your partner was brought up by a couple - who has loved him/her much much more than you have? Is it really difficult to make some adjustments if you have to accomodate your partner's parents? Or is it just 'inconvenience' to your lifestyle? I dont understand why couples fail to remember that our parents 'never left us alone' so that they could continue with their lifestyle? Ask any parent and they will tell you how they saved up for a home to house his family - or gave up a little bit of their sleep so that they could spend some time with their children among so many responsibilities. Any parent will vouch how they have given up on things and activities for their kids - my dad gave up smoking, my mom hardly slept with two kids, her job, her hobby, her household responsibilities. I have seen people around who have traveled for weeks and weeks together to give their children a better life. I have seen parents who have broken their fixed deposits to send their children for higher education. Infact one my relatives, broke her fixed deposit because her child wanted a CBZ for his birthday.
And if this loooooong discussion wasnt enough to roll my dad and me into after-discussions... i came across this another classic example of fights between a couple because the wife was tired of taking care of her invalid mother-in-law, coping with her kids and her full time job.
The husband and wife are not on talking terms at present. The problem is that the wife thinks her husband is taking her for granted, not paying enough attention to her, hardly helping out with the chores and plus the burden of taking care of 'his' mother. (Her cry: Why cant she stay with your younger brother?)
The husband is tired of her cribbing. He feels his wife doesnt respect his mother enough. Infact, whatever she is doing for his mother, is just a 'show'. (His cry: She hardly cares about her. Just giving medicines on time and feeding her doesnt mean you are looking after her.)
Not to forget that this couple has been having these fights over a decade now. The wife isnt comfortable with the mother-in-law around. The husband is just too much of a loving son, not to abandon his mother, only because his wife is not ready to 'accept' her.
I wasnt a part of this discussion... but i was in my room.. which was in hearing distance of this conversion. The tit and tats went on for an hour. My mom was really drowsy and she could hardly help these people out but she was a patient ear. My mom tried to pacify both of them... but they both still stood their grounds. It was time for them to leave and finally my mom could take a nap. But i was so disturbed.
Why is it so difficult for people to accept that your partners have a family? That your partner was brought up by a couple - who has loved him/her much much more than you have? Is it really difficult to make some adjustments if you have to accomodate your partner's parents? Or is it just 'inconvenience' to your lifestyle? I dont understand why couples fail to remember that our parents 'never left us alone' so that they could continue with their lifestyle? Ask any parent and they will tell you how they saved up for a home to house his family - or gave up a little bit of their sleep so that they could spend some time with their children among so many responsibilities. Any parent will vouch how they have given up on things and activities for their kids - my dad gave up smoking, my mom hardly slept with two kids, her job, her hobby, her household responsibilities. I have seen people around who have traveled for weeks and weeks together to give their children a better life. I have seen parents who have broken their fixed deposits to send their children for higher education. Infact one my relatives, broke her fixed deposit because her child wanted a CBZ for his birthday.
When our parents, without even blinking, so unconditionally, have done so much for us... cant we just give them the same place in our lives???But i guess not many people understand. I am keeping my fingers crossed. I really really hope that God gives us (devam, amul and me) enough sense to look after our parents right. I hope we never disappoint them or hurt them or let them down.
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