The idea of being Mrs. Jani!!

I guess i cant run away from it anymore... the days are lessening as the realisation sets upon, that now its just a matter of months before I go on to become a wife and a daughter-in-law. The carefree days of living in shorts, waking up at will, refusing to do household chores, watching tv with feet on the table, eating at odd hours and loading my milk with 3 spoons of bournvita will soon come to an end.

Perhaps i am just exaggerating... but who loves to give up on the old cushy life??? And marriage, though will give me a chance to start a completely new life with tolly, is going to mean that i give up everything that i have lived with. To start with, my parents, my home, my room, my bed and my wardrobe... just about everything. I am just so use to living the singlehood life of being responsible only for myself that i wonder if i will be able to manage with another human, his needs, his way of living, his way of eating, his way of sleeping and sharing so much together. Especially with his family... who my friends tell 'change completely' the moment you get married. The thought is extremely exciting... but am not sure the reality will be equally exciting.

I asked a lot of married women around... if they ever dreaded being married. I am not going to quote any but 90% of them dreaded being married. Almost all of them dread being with their in-laws... some even feel they deserve an award to get along with their mother-in-law. :) The comments and contributions are from all married women. I am the only one who's not married yet. All of them are in a fresh marriage and inspite of the 'dreadfulness' they all recommend marriage to me. But there's no denying that all of them atleast once dreaded being married.

And their most basic fear was of living with another family than with their husband... Here are some of them sharing their secrets... OFF THE RECORD.

"I dont know if my in-laws will adjust to my late night shifts at work?"

"I got married very young so something i dreaded the most was if my mother in law will be fine if i dont cook?"

"I can no more watch my favourite telly serial at 9.. there's only one tv in the house. My father in law likes to watch news at that time. But i loved the way my husband gave me a nice budget of designing our room the way we like."

"I have never covered my head at my mom's place. But i knew before i accepted the proposal that if i chose to get married to this guy, it means i will have to have my head covered everytime any male of the family is around. That was something i really dreaded. Getting use to something that i have never lived with. But now i am used to it."

"I got married to an older guy. Just a day after i accepted the proposal, my mother in law, in private, made it clear that they needed a grandchild as soon as possible. I didnt know at that time if i should refuse or should i go with it. But i liked my husband. He's been a wonderful partner. And yes, its only been 3 years of marriage and i have a cute 2 year old baby girl. And to say the least, my mother in law is happy. But i completely dreaded being married that time."

"I had been in this wonderful relationship for 3 years and wanted to live with him. I would have preferred the live in relationship. But we love our parents too much to go against their wish of being married first and then living to gether. So we got married. I had no option. Ofcourse, i dreaded the word 'marriage' but i love every aspect of it... living together, sharing the same bed, making out and surviving on small meals that i cook that he relishes with so much love. I can say i still live the same life."

"The thing that i dreaded the most was - how will i spend my entire life with him? What if i didnt like him forever? I'd never have another chance. Was completely horrified. Not anymore though. :)"

"I dreaded my marriage the most. I had accepted a proposal where I was going to live with my in-laws after marriage. My husband was abroad. And i was like, till i get my visas, how am i going to live with someone i dont even know, forget love? I lived with my in laws for 3 months hardly venturing out of the house. God... i never want to recall those days. I have never adjusted so much."

"You will laugh but the thing that i dreaded the most was - how am i going to give my clothes to wash? How am i going to get my undergarments washed and i completely dreaded my mother-in-law's habit of folding the washed clothes in front of the television set in the living room, when everyone was watching tv together. The solution: as soon as i come from work, i rush to the balcony, pick up my undergarments, stuff it in my purse and go into my room so that they dont turn up in living room in front of everyone."

"My mother-in-law was so religious that after marriage, without even asking me, made this 4 day plan of visiting temples all around. My husband didnt even come saying his leave was over. So i was trotted around for 4 days to various temples. Dont ask me what i prayed for."

"If you look at the essence of being married - committing yourself to the same person for the rest of your life, wanting to have babies with him and grow old to wipe his dribble off his chin, i never dreaded marriage. But i dread everyday things that accompany a typical indian marriage, where sometimes you are kind of expected to dramatically alter your individuality for various convoluted reasons."

"My husband's father is involved with this community that follows religion very emotionally. This means regular satsangs at our place, oldies turning up at house after the morning and evening walks, and preparing 30 cups of tea or coffee daily when they come visiting. I took it nicely for 4 months. I knew this before i got married and I completely dreaded this part of the marriage. One fine day, i told my father-in-law that i would like to hire 24 hour maid to take care of all this. We did that. He's happy and so am i."

"I am dreading marriage after being married for 4 years. We had such a good life together. My mom in law never forced me into believing all the astrologers that she consults for every little thing. Now that i have a cute 6 month old, she's been crazily showing his kundli to every astrologer on this planet. I am completely dreading that moment when she will come up with the idea of making my child wear those rings or lockets. If she's reading this: NO is my answer. If she asks me... i dont know what will i say."

So, well... with all the positive dreams of travelling together and getting to live together, making babies and building a small family together... i too am dreading those moments when arguements or disappointments will arise, just because i am different.. That would be dreadful. But i guess i am just over exaggerating. As one of my friend says, "its no big deal mos. just continue with the kind of life that you have lived. your husband and his family will come around." Well, yes... thats a good idea. I am just hoping that god gives me the strength and maturity to understand the family that i am going to embrace as my own. And i really hope God looks after me personally once i am married.

And what does amul have to say about this? Amul: "Its this expectation from life to always be smooth thats giving you all the load baby. Just rather try to accept that there'll be bumps on way. That thats how life is. N that what makes it worth looking forward to every next day. "

I guess he must be true... perhaps i am just taking too much load.