Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination!!

A superb piece that was forwarded to me by a friend... it is JK Rowling's commencement address at the annual meeting of the Harvard Alumni Association... 
It carries a message... superbly composed. Am printing it here in full for those who would like to read.
 
J.K. Rowling, author of the best-selling Harry Potter book series, delivers her Commencement Address, "The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination," at the Annual Meeting of the Harvard Alumni Association.

President Faust, members of the Harvard Corporation and the Board of Overseers, members of the faculty, proud parents, and, above all, graduates.

The first thing I would like to say is 'thank you.' Not only has Harvard given me an extraordinary honour, but the weeks of fear and nausea I've experienced at the thought of giving this commencement address have made me lose weight. A win-win situation! Now all I have to do is take deep breaths, squint at the red banners and fool myself into believing I am at the world's best-educated Harry Potter convention.

Delivering a commencement address is a great responsibility; or so I thought until I cast my mind back to my own graduation. The commencement speaker that day was the distinguished British philosopher Baroness Mary Warnock. Reflecting on her speech has helped me enormously in writing this one, because it turns out that I can't remember a single word she said. This liberating discovery enables me to proceed without any fear that I might inadvertently influence you to abandon promising careers in business, law or politics for the giddy delights of becoming a gay wizard.

You see? If all you remember in years to come is the 'gay wizard' joke, I've still come out ahead of Baroness Mary Warnock. Achievable goals: the first step towards personal improvement.

Actually, I have wracked my mind and heart for what I ought to say to you today. I have asked myself what I wish I had known at my own graduation, and what important lessons I have learned in the 21 years that has expired between that day and this.

I have come up with two answers. On this wonderful day when we are gathered together to celebrate your academic success, I have decided to talk to you about the benefits of failure. And as you stand on the threshold of what is sometimes called 'real life', I want to extol the crucial importance of imagination.
These might seem quixotic or paradoxical choices, but please bear with me.

Looking back at the 21-year-old that I was at graduation, is a slightly uncomfortable experience for the 42-year-old that she has become. Half my lifetime ago, I was striking an uneasy balance between the ambition I had for myself, and what those closest to me expected of me.

I was convinced that the only thing I wanted to do, ever, was to write novels. However, my parents, both of whom came from impoverished backgrounds and neither of whom had been to college, took the view that my overactive imagination was an amusing personal quirk that could never pay a mortgage, or secure a pension. They had hoped that I would take a vocational degree; I wanted to study English Literature. A compromise was reached that in retrospect satisfied nobody, and I went up to study Modern Languages. Hardly had my parents' car rounded the corner at the end of the road than I ditched German and scuttled off down the Classics corridor.

I cannot remember telling my parents that I was studying Classics; they might well have found out for the first time on graduation day. Of all subjects on this planet, I think they would have been hard put to name one less useful than Greek mythology when it came to securing the keys to an executive bathroom.

I would like to make it clear, in parenthesis, that I do not blame my parents for their point of view. There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you. What is more, I cannot criticise my parents for hoping that I would never experience poverty. They had been poor themselves, and I have since been poor, and I quite agree with them that it is not an ennobling experience. Poverty entails fear, and stress, and sometimes depression; it means a thousand petty humiliations and hardships. Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is indeed something on which to pride yourself, but poverty itself is romanticised only by fools.

What I feared most for myself at your age was not poverty, but failure.

At your age, in spite of a distinct lack of motivation at university, where I had spent far too long in the coffee bar writing stories, and far too little time at lectures, I had a knack for passing examinations, and that, for years, had been the measure of success in my life and that of my peers.

I am not dull enough to suppose that because you are young, gifted and well-educated, you have never known hardship or heartbreak. Talent and intelligence never yet inoculated anyone against the caprice of the Fates, and I do not for a moment suppose that everyone here has enjoyed an existence of unruffled privilege and contentment.

However, the fact that you are graduating from Harvard suggests that you are not very well-acquainted with failure. You might be driven by a fear of failure quite as much as a desire for success. Indeed, your conception of failure might not be too far from the average person's idea of success, so high have you already flown academically.

Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.

Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.

So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default.

Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above rubies.

The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned.

Given a time machine or a Time Turner, I would tell my 21-year-old self that personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life, though you will meet many people of my age and older who confuse the two. Life is difficult, and complicated, and beyond anyone's total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes.

You might think that I chose my second theme, the importance of imagination, because of the part it played in rebuilding my life, but that is not wholly so. Though I will defend the value of bedtime stories to my last gasp, I have learned to value imagination in a much broader sense. Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathise with humans whose experiences we have never shared.

One of the greatest formative experiences of my life preceded Harry Potter, though it informed much of what I subsequently wrote in those books. This revelation came in the form of one of my earliest day jobs. Though I was sloping off to write stories during my lunch hours, I paid the rent in my early 20s by working in the research department at Amnesty International's headquarters in London.

There in my little office I read hastily scribbled letters smuggled out of totalitarian regimes by men and women who were risking imprisonment to inform the outside world of what was happening to them. I saw photographs of those who had disappeared without trace, sent to Amnesty by their desperate families and friends. I read the testimony of torture victims and saw pictures of their injuries. I opened handwritten, eye-witness accounts of summary trials and executions, of kidnappings and rapes.

Many of my co-workers were ex-political prisoners, people who had been displaced from their homes, or fled into exile, because they had the temerity to think independently of their government. Visitors to our office included those who had come to give information, or to try and find out what had happened to those they had been forced to leave behind.

I shall never forget the African torture victim, a young man no older than I was at the time, who had become mentally ill after all he had endured in his homeland. He trembled uncontrollably as he spoke into a video camera about the brutality inflicted upon him. He was a foot taller than I was, and seemed as fragile as a child. I was given the job of escorting him to the Underground Station afterwards, and this man whose life had been shattered by cruelty took my hand with exquisite courtesy, and wished me future happiness.

And as long as I live I shall remember walking along an empty corridor and suddenly hearing, from behind a closed door, a scream of pain and horror such as I have never heard since. The door opened, and the researcher poked out her head and told me to run and make a hot drink for the young man sitting with her. She had just given him the news that in retaliation for his own outspokenness against his country's regime, his mother had been seized and executed.

Every day of my working week in my early 20s I was reminded how incredibly fortunate I was, to live in a country with a democratically elected government, where legal representation and a public trial were the rights of everyone.

Every day, I saw more evidence about the evils humankind will inflict on their fellow humans, to gain or maintain power. I began to have nightmares, literal nightmares, about some of the things I saw, heard and read.

And yet I also learned more about human goodness at Amnesty International than I had ever known before.
Amnesty mobilises thousands of people who have never been tortured or imprisoned for their beliefs to act on behalf of those who have. The power of human empathy, leading to collective action, saves lives, and frees prisoners. Ordinary people, whose personal well-being and security are assured, join together in huge numbers to save people they do not know, and will never meet. My small participation in that process was one of the most humbling and inspiring experiences of my life.

Unlike any other creature on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people's minds, imagine themselves into other people's places.

Of course, this is a power, like my brand of fictional magic, that is morally neutral. One might use such an ability to manipulate, or control, just as much as to understand or sympathise.

And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know.

I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces can lead to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the wilfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.

What is more, those who choose not to empathise may enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy.

One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridor down which I ventured at the age of 18, in search of something I could not then define, was this, written by the Greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.

That is an astonishing statement and yet proven a thousand times every day of our lives. It expresses, in part, our inescapable connection with the outside world, the fact that we touch other people's lives simply by existing.

But how much more are you, Harvard graduates of 2008, likely to touch other people's lives? Your intelligence, your capacity for hard work, the education you have earned and received, give you unique status, and unique responsibilities. Even your nationality sets you apart. The great majority of you belong to the world's only remaining superpower. The way you vote, the way you live, the way you protest, the pressure you bring to bear on your government, has an impact way beyond your borders. That is your privilege, and your burden.

If you choose to use your status and influence to raise your voice on behalf of those who have no voice; if you choose to identify not only with the powerful, but with the powerless; if you retain the ability to imagine yourself into the lives of those who do not have your advantages, then it will not only be your proud families who celebrate your existence, but thousands and millions of people whose reality you have helped transform for the better. We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.

I am nearly finished. I have one last hope for you, which is something that I already had at 21. The friends with whom I sat on graduation day have been my friends for life. They are my children's godparents, the people to whom I've been able to turn in times of trouble, friends who have been kind enough not to sue me when I've used their names for Death Eaters. At our graduation we were bound by enormous affection, by our shared experience of a time that could never come again, and, of course, by the knowledge that we held certain photographic evidence that would be exceptionally valuable if any of us ran for Prime Minister.
 
So today, I can wish you nothing better than similar friendships. And tomorrow, I hope that even if you remember not a single word of mine, you remember those of Seneca, another of those old Romans I met when I fled down the Classics corridor, in retreat from career ladders, in search of ancient wisdom:
As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.
 
I wish you all very good lives.
Thank you very much.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

The Morning Chat!!!


Devam doesnt want me to write this blog!!! He has pleaded me umpteen times not to put our conversation on the blog... but believe me... chatting with him is one of the biggest 'botox' like shot that i can give to my life. I woke up at 5am today to cover the annual rath yatra in ahmedabad. I got home and when i logged onto write my script... viola... i found devam online.

The morning chat started from life's philosophy, went onto global warming, to this road trip i want to go on, to not wanting to get married, to ruining amul's life after marriage and finally goodbye. It was time for him to go to sleep in Barack Obama's land.


He has asked me not to reveal much about him. He wants to enter films with a bang... as if he came from no where... :)


But thats not possible when he has an elder sister, who not only talks too much but can also write and has an exclusive rights to a blog. Dear Devam, you are still to have your fans.... I already have them. :) I have to live upto their expectations. I know you will understand this bit.

So here are some highlights of the conversation.... enjoy!!!




Devam's New Found Philosophy


devam: all u want is everythin.. is tht a problem
well yes it is
materialism is a enemy of time..
me: ohhh ya
someone is becoming very philosophical
devam: ofcourse
me: the thing is
i feel... i have one life to live
and why cant i have everything?
devam: if u have 1 life to live
find the true meaning to it
and contribute to the world
me: ohhh ya????
devam: theres more happiness in giving then taking
me: dont u think i have given enough
devam: nope
me: why dont other people give me anything
devam: the process will only begin when ull realise the true meaning to ur existence
me: true meaning of my existence is that i work too hard for kind of salary i earn
i need to take it a little easy
put my feet up
chill my heels
smile a little more
devam: yes
me: close my eyes
devam: u can do tht
me: and relax
and even go to sleep
if i can do all this by a beach in goa.... nothing like that
devam: yup
n once u r done attaining calm
go help the world
give give give
n get the pleasure of giving

Observation: I couldnt believe it was my own brother talking. A person who can buy a shirt worth Rs 13000/- without thinking of those lakhs who go hungry to bed everynight... has suddenly transformed into this 'giver' of the world.

Devam on Global Warming

devam: wid Industrialization, r they growing more trees?
me: yes they are
u shall be surprised
devam: ok very good
me: but our highways are fantastic
thy have grown trees in between
devam: im very concerned abt global warming..
i dun care abt highways.. i travel by air
all im concerned is abt India bein greener than ever
me: ya... and waste tonnes and tonnes of fuel... and someone just said he was concerned about global warming.
what a farce u are devam
devam: arre farce shu ema.. i dun have time
i have to save time, so i can reach to more and more ppl
me: yes... talk about flying and global warming in the same sentence
hahahahha
devam: arre!!
me: u still have a lot to learn chotta aadmi
devam: Al gore is a Green Revolution ambassador
does tht mean he shud stop flying and go by car everywhere
me: no... he should cycle
devam: mebbe next time when he crosses the atlantic, he shud build a highway in order to save fuel
me: or even better... conduct online conferences and save paper and fuel
devam: yeah rite
me: well... ppl who are concerned... can do things
devam: only 13% of the world population is internet savvy
me: people who just need to talk... will definitely find excuses
devam: it doesnt work liddat
dun talk like a chhota aadmi
think in terms of gore or me
devam: its almost impossible to reach out to common man, which is y we have to reach out to ppl like u
me: yaa yayayaaa...
devam: who can in turn spread our msg
me: ya right
devam: n we'll cover the globe slowly wid help of ppl like u
me: i have no time for your crap
devam: arre ... im tryin to save planet earth
me: yayaya yaaa
where am i denying it
devam: n u r bein ignorant juss like everybody else
me: hahahaha

Devam on my road trip

devam: u cool of ur heels in goa
ill try cool my planet
me: i havent laughed so much before 10am in ages
yeah... cool devam.... cool planet
why dont u send me some money
i want to take a road trip
devam: go walking.. its free n planet freindly
me: i m not into global warming
devam: but i am .... which is y i wanna contribute in my own li'll way n not encourage something which is gonna emit dangerous gases
Sent at 10:17 AM on Wednesday
devam: be it ur road trip resulting into gas emission or be it tht table full of indian dishes tht u'll ultimatey turn into poisonous gases
me: so u want everyone to stop driving, flying and manufacturing
ohhh... that misal pau was brilliant
devam: read before consumption - misal pau
after consumption - missile pau
me: you owe me money...can i have it now please?
devam: y
me: i want to go on a road trip
devam: hahaha
now not possible
it takes time
me: why not now???
i want to go on a road trip before my wedding
alone
take wagon r
devam: u dun wanna start me again on global warming
r u goin to singapore in ur wagon r tht u need 2 lacs?
it'll be cheaper to go by air then
me: stopover at baroda, surat, mumbai, matheran, ratnagiri, sindhudurg, goa, bangalore, mysore, chennai, pondicherry and hyderabad, nagpur and bacck
devam: go by train
abbe save money for ur wedding

Devam on pursuing me to marry...

devam: before ur wedding, we acharyas we'll definitely go to a undisclosed holiday for 3-4 days
me: i dont want to get married...
devam: haha
abbe chal hawe ghar khaali kar.. bau rahi tu ghare..
now wats ur new excuse?
me: is there any need to change wagon r's colour, tyres, music system, garage, seat covers???
devam: i dunno.. i havent even seen tht car
me: same way... why do i need to change my name, residence, family, room, priorities....
devam: bcos car is a commodity and u r a person
me: but i am fine where i am
infact iam great where i am
devam: yes u r
me: why change it
devam: bcos u made the choice
we all have the choices.... ppl like d**** didi were successful daughter, professional..
but she never enjoyed the status of a successful wife or mother
or a daughter in law.. bcos they din choose to do so
they din choose to welcome new life..
uve made the choice, so stick by it and enjoy the ride
luckily u have a companion wid u on tht ride whom uve known for yrs n grown fond of
me: it sounds challenging...
infact i hate amul
he told me he would remarry the moment i died and i was out of his path
devam: haha
everybody waits for tht
me: why should i marry someone who's waiting for me to die so that he can remarry
devam: but majority of times the guy passes away before.. seein the ataychars from the so-called abla-naari
me: hahahahaha
devam: hahahaha
me: yes... i think i should marry
i want to do all the atyachaars on amul
devam: be peaceful, loving and giving
me: i will call him to get limbu and bateka
every evening
at 6pm sharp
even if he gets a kilo everyday... i will throw them away and remind him to get limbu
devam: dun throw them away
make limbu no ras
feed him
so tht gives him energy to bring some more limbus

Well... that was the end of it.... Devam finally was tired of talking to me... and called for a 'pack up'... He's off to sleep... while its time for me to check where Lord Jaganath along with his brother Baldev and sister Subhadra have reached in Ahmedabad.

Chao!!!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Dustbin!!!

I need a dustbin... not the usual cylindirical one which will welcome the rubbish and dirt that i collect and need to dispose... but i need a dustbin for my life. Metaphorical dustbin... the one which will take away all the dirt, negative things, things you dont want or need.... just to make your life clutter free....

I think after creating mothers... God must have created the dustbin. Its so useful. It actually is the only thing that accepts everything you dont want. It clears the mess and makes you feel so much better... and i really need one dustbin like this. The one that will happily house all the mess that i have generated over years... and help make my life clutter free....


I need a dustbin to throw away those bad moods... My mom who mostly bears the brunt of my bad moods would be so happy. For no reason today... i shouted at her on the phone.. just because she sent me to this chemist shop that was extremely crowded. Sorry mom!!

I want to dispose off those tyrannical rules established by NewsX. "If you dont have a day-plan, you will be marked absent"... "If dont submit this before 9am, its no good"... "Go to Modasa right now"... aaargh....

I want to throw that producer in the dustbin who gave me so much mental stress on Friday... "Who gave you the privilege of doing a story over five days... and dont tell me how much time it takes... and dont force me to escalate matters... you dont want me to do this... and dont tell me what to do..." Enough!!!! If she were on my desktop, i would hit the delete button and send her to recycle bin... and then go to recycle bin... and delete her forever.

I want to throw away this unpleasant negative emotions that come as a complimentary gift when things arent right with amul. I wish i could just gather all scattered negative emotions 'ohhh he is damn angry' (1am), 'oh... he's not going to believe me' (9am), 'he wont take my call' (11am), 'he wont see me' (3pm), 'he doesnt love me' (10pm) and 'its going to be over between us' (11pm).... collect all these... smash them under my feet and yup, you guessed it right... aim right for this dustbin.

At this point in time, my only want from life, is a dustbin.... metophorical one or perhaps the robotic one... which will obey my commands or perhaps just look at me in eyes and figure out whats wrong and deal with it. Who will scan all the viruses in my life... offer to deal with them... and on my command... in a few minutes of processing... all the mess will be cleared. swooshhhh!!!!

Friday, January 16, 2009

Goodbye Nanima!!

My Nanima - Deviben Ashwinbhai Joshi, passed away on 14th Jan 2009, at 1835 hours. She suffered badly for the past one month as her body had almost collapsed. She hardly ate or drank. But in these hours of slowly preparing to leave the world, she was surrounded by her entire family.

My Mom is heartbroken today. She couldnt take her eyes off the body and burst into tears as my mama(s) prepared the body for its final journey. While my mom and masi(s) clinged onto her till the last moment, she was long gone away from this world. My dad told me that according to Mahabharat, the bhimshmapithamah, died at the same time on 14th jan. Bhishmapithamah, had the power to choose his time of death and chose the sunset time on Makarsankranti to breath his last. And my nanima too died at the same hour on the same day. I am glad that it makes my mom happy a wee bit as she starts getting use to not having her mother around.

My mom fondly called nanima "mother"... in a perfect anglecised manner... My Nanima has to her credit, the task of bringing up 6 children successfully. Her five daughters, have been a pillar of strength for each other and teachers by profession. Each one of them learnt so much from their mother, that the reason behind them being successful and proud mothers today, somewhere lies with their upbringing by my nanima. 

I vividly remember how my nanima would exclaim, "radha... radha..."... everytime i goofed up or came up with a smart statement out of her imagination. She sat me down once at Gaurav's wedding (Gaurav is my cousin) and told me what actually makes a woman. She told me that a woman is the strength for the family. She has this capacity to put everyone in the family before her and still be happy just with the fact that she was useful to someone in some way. She told me it was equally important to be well behaved, well mannered and be seen as someone as a dutiful daughter, wife or mother. I was just 22/23 at that point of time... I hardly understood the depth of the matter... but i have grown and i will always treasure her words.

She was indeed the strength behind her family. She helped her children and society in every way possible. She would give me money, even if she hardly had any left on her. I also remember her steel cold glances at me when i would do something that she wouldnt like. And in the last few years, as she struggled with her memory... she would look up at me from her bed, her eyes would widen and while i held her hand, she would smile at me... a small bright smile to tell me that she recognised me. 

I am glad i visited her several times over these few years. I am glad that my nanima had her entire family around her when she was breathing her last. I am glad that people remember her as a pious lady and someone who helped each one of them in one way or the other...

Here's hoping that wherever she is right now... she's comfortable and happy.. and if she's reading my blog... i want to tell her that i will always remember her and tell my kids about her. 

Take care... OM!!